Last night as I was wrapping up at work we got a phone call from a coworkers wife. He had open heart surgery last Tuesday. Unfortunately she was calling with the news of his passing. Our boss is out on vacation this week so I called him and sent an email out to those that knew about the surgery. It was all very awkward. This man was only in his 40s. He had a wife and two kids. He has been sick since I have known him but the whole time doctors were telling him it was allergies and chronic bronchitis.
I have never been in a position where a person close to me passing was someone that I did not get along with, and I am having a hard time going through my range of emotions. I know that my husband is right and I can't be "friends" with everyone and sometimes people that you aren't friends with pass, but it doesn't mean you wished them ill. And I know that nothing I did in my relationship with this man caused his sickness. But I still feel like scum of the earth for harboring such ill feelings towards him while he was alive.
Monday night is the memorial service and I plan on going with my husband. My boss is going and one of my old coworkers may be driving over from PA. I feel so horrible for this mans wife and her kids. I have never even met them, but I just keep thinking about what this would do to me if David was sick and I were to lose him, and I know I couldn't handle that at all, and we don't even have kids.
We all assumed that he would recover from this and be back in 5 or 6 weeks at work. It never really occurred to me that he might not make it.
Sorry if this sounds cliche but, if you haven't told your loved ones lately how much they mean to you please make sure you do so. And if you appreciate your coworkers friendships make sure they know. And if you just can't get along with someone in the office try to make it work. You honestly just never know when it might be your last chance to do something nice for someone.
I'm working from home today. There would only be two of us in the office today and I just don't think I could take it.
I may go for a long bike ride at lunch to try and get away from everything. We'll see.