So I am struggling with the new responsibility running faster has put on my shoulders. Obviously my goals are to become the fastest runner I can be, but sometimes I wish there wasn't so much that comes along with that. For example when you aren't so fast and you have a bad race, nobody really notices, and you don't have to feel like you let down anyone but yourself, but when you start getting onto the radar screen a bad race is very noticeable and you feel like you let everyone down.
I don't think I can accurately describe my feelings about this in one post but that's a short summary of it.
All of this leading up to the fact that I just didn't follow through on my race plans today. Despite feeling energized, confident, and calm when the gun went off, by the middle of the race I was just detached and struggling through another personally mediocre run. First mile went perfectly in 5:52 and from there the wheels just slowly slipped off and then flatted by the end for a 19:39 finish.
Confidence is an issue. Lack of speed training is an issue. But at the end of the day I have no one to blame for the poor performance but my mental demons. As coach says my strength alone should give me 18:30 right now. I wanted to work harder than I did today, and I just didn't. Other than tight calves at the end of the race I didn't even feel that bad, I just couldn't put it into that next gear. I feel like I could go run 20 miles right now no problem. Obviously there is a big difference between 20 miles at 7-7:15 pace and 3.1 miles at sub 6. I need to tune into my speed demons and let them loose next short race. If I want to run a fast marathon I need to get these legs to pick up the pace considerably in this short stuff. No excuses, just run faster and work harder.
The good thing about a bad performance is I can take this and use it as a driver to perform that much better next race. Youngstown Half I'm hoping for good weather because I have some redemption waiting for me on those hills this year. I need to step up my game the next few weeks in training and get ready for a 100% effort there.
Now I am off for a recovery run in the sun, not because my legs are tight and need it, but because it is so beautiful out and the sun has made me feel so much better this week it definitely will lift my spirits for my 20 mile run tomorrow.